Consistent Prayer, Mixed Media, Marcia Carole – see previous blog for details.
I have had a perfectly good day today, but once the night falls and settles in, my spirits deflate a bit. I fight back tears thinking I am so blessed, but I’m still stuck with cancer. You know, it’s one of those moments when you have a pity party but try really hard not to. Cancer has a tendency to stick around, mucking things up. There is no going around cancer. No avoiding it or bypassing it or handing it off to someone.
I sip on yet another carrot/apple smoothie, bedside, thinking dark thoughts. This carrot smoothie is doing no good at all. All these vegetables have made no difference. What am I doing? I’m just going to die anyway. Maybe a cup of coffee with cream and foam and a big donut with pink icing is just as helpful as this carrot juice. On and on it goes. (I suppose you really don’t want to hear all this, but I’m being honest, here.)
Then, I try to work my way out of these dark thoughts with the truth. No, God loves me. He has a purpose in all this. Hold steady, Marcia. Trust Him. Be consistent in your holding onto Him and trusting Him, no matter how dark it gets. Be consistent in prayer. He loves you with an everlasting love. He’ll never leave you or forsake you. His love is bigger than cancer and darkness. It really is. He will help you get through this.
So, tonight, as I weakly down my carrot juice, I hold onto this verse as hard as I can: “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” —Hebrews 4:16