Well, It’s been six months since I have written a blog post. I have had a couple of different types of chemo surging through my body, and some radiation. These treatments have taken their toll on my energy level, and writing the blog posts seemed like a good task to fling out the window. I’ve been in survival mode. However, here I am. Still alive. Still here.
I am on a targeted therapy now. Two pills everyday at lunchtime. Two months into this treatment, and I feel stronger than I have in a very long time. However, I am on pain pills that soften the deep ache of cancer, and I need the comfort the pills bring. I have leaned into the guilt of being on opioids, and I am past the need to be off them to save some sort of reputation. The pain won, and I needed help. So, while I “target” cancer cells, which is huge work, I will happily mask my pain.
Oh, but it’s Christmas, and this is a Christmas blog……….
What I really want to share with you, dear reader, is the transformation that has happened in my heart. Recently, I found myself, while driving of course, weeping over the love I have for God. (Lots comes up with me when I am driving.) You see, I have spent the last 7 years in an emotional healing journey that has coincided with fighting cancer. So much emotional healing has occurred, and I can happily report I no longer “leak” love and kindness poured into me by God and others.
I used to have big emotional “holes” which drove me to throw myself at unusual/dysfunctional people for love and affection. Through soul care, counseling, group support and choosing kind friends, these aforementioned holes have filled in a great deal. Now, when someone is kind and loving, I can actually feel it. When I am praying, I can now feel God’s care, and I really sense He hears me, sees me and loves me.
So, yes, much has happened in the last six months. I have much to celebrate. I am healing in many ways, and I still pray God might release me from cancer. On my driving through my tears day, I actually thanked Him for the cancer. Crazy, right? Well, in a mysterious way, the pain, I mean cry out loud pain, has brought me close into the arms of my God. I’ve found it a very safe place full of love.
Isn’t that what Jesus is all about? God with us? He came to us first. Loving us? Why not come to Him this Christmas? I sure have, and it is the best place to be here, and into eternity.
Thanks for reading! God’s blessings on you now, and into the new year.
What a beautiful blog in the midst of your pain your have learned so much. In the 4 1/2 years I’ve lived here in Tyler, I’ve gone through a similar leaning into Jesus and most of the emotional pain I brought with me, is abated, and God’s love through his people has healed so much of me. My trust in him and his plan for my life has ballooned and swallowed most of the ptsd that afflicted me. Still learning and growing. But so glad I obeyed his voice and my joy overflows.
Thank you Marcia for this sweet post. Thanks for sharing your journey to resting in the safe arms of our Savior Who was born that we might truly live FOREVER with Him!! What a place of rest for all of us! My husband, son, and I are en route to LA to visit our 28-year-old nephew who was paralyzed in a work accident last week. Because He knows and loves the Lord, his heart is at peace because he KNOWS that the Lord has a purpose in all of this. Hard? Yes! But He too is experiencing the rest found in the ³safe arms² of our Lord.
Merry Christmas Marcia! Because HE came and because He lives we celebrate! Love, Carol
From: Art Engaging Story Reply-To: Art Engaging Story Date: Thursday, December 21, 2017 at 11:14 PM To: Carol Bramsen Subject: [New post] Christmas 2017
WordPress.com marcia carole posted: ” Well, It’s been six months since I have written a blog post. I have had a couple of different types of chemo surging through my body, and some radiation. These treatments have taken their toll on my energy level, and writing the blog posts seemed like a”
Always happy to hear you. I wonder, have you read any of Jan Richardson’s work. I’ve a couple of her books I am enjoying this holiday and ever that bring you to mind. Prayers continue. So happy the Mundane Faithfulness page allowed me to know you and your work. I love your Christmas card too.