The next round of chemo began Monday, and so far, I’ve had mostly good hours and a first night of very good sleep. I continue to be thankful I do not have nausea, and have the luxury of staying at home, resting, painting, walking and reading during this time. My life friend, Alice, has arrived, giving me her full, loving attention. We enjoy good organic foods and soups, veggie smoothies and lots of snow outside. She, being a nurse, takes my pulse during heart palpitations, and asks how I am doing throughout the day, which is amazingly reassuring. She has her own station for her art, and I have mine.
I had the energy to add some more oil paint to my Job Chapter 1 and 2 painting. (I’m thinking back to my headaches during the first leg of this journey as I paint.) I am showing that God is holding Satan back from totaling destroying Job, while at the same time having His hand on Job’s shoulder. I am portraying God as triune – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, Job does not see all that is happening behind his back, so to speak. We know more than Job did at that time.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Job’s suffering, musing it is like going into really deep water. Exhausted, with nothing to hold onto, only knowing one must keep swimming to move forward. However, the water IS deep, and there is no getting around that fact.
For me, my cancer deep waters have been so much easier than Job’s deep waters. Unlike Job, I have wonderfully kind family and friends, a loving church family, those that have prayed for hours and hours, cooked and shopped for me, and my artist buddies encouraging me to keep making art. I have an incredibly generous earthly father who has financially cared for me in so many ways. All these, dear ones, are swimming alongside me, week after week. I am very blessed in my deep waters.
‘ “I am come into deep waters” took on a new meaning this morning. It started with perplexing matters concerning the future….then it dawned on me that shallow waters were a place where you can neither sink nor swim, but in deep waters it is one or the other – “water to swim in” – not to float in – swimming is the intense, most strenuous form of motion – all of you is involved in it – and that every inch of you is in abandonment of rest upon the water that bears you up. “We rest in Thee and in Thy Name we go.” (20 December 1927)’ – Lillias Trotter
